Food

So I was noticing in Dad’s post about the trip to Latin America that it reads much more like a diary of restaurants than a trip. It made me stop and laugh because I realize we all do that in this family. Every trip we’ve ever taken can be described in a series of meals — and that is how any of us will likely describe it if anyone takes the time to inquire. I find I often forget trips– where exactly we went, what order we visited places, what we saw– but I rarely forget the food we ate. Honestly I often piece together the trip by thinking about what food we ate and then extrapolating from there. For instance, one of my strongest memories from our trip to Sweden is eating delicious smoked salmon on some island (Vaxholm?) while looking out at the water.

Now my question is, are we all nuts? (Or maybe what I’ve really revealed here is the extent to which I’m nuts). I mean I feel like other people go places and don’t come back predominately describing the food they’ve eaten. What does this say about us as a family, should we be worried? So on the one hand this kinda freaks me out because it seems highly abnormal — also its a good thing we like healthy food or this would be drastically bad for our health. But on the other hand, think of how much time everyone spend in their life eating food. Think how lucky we are to appreciate food as much as we do. I mean seriously food even colors the way I view my day as its broken up into the time chunks between meals. Everyone’s gotta eat, lucky us for enjoying it so much.

Moonstruck

I watched the 1987 movie Moonstruck, just a few days ago, in 2001. I was 39 when I first saw it, and I now think I missed something profoundly important, probably because I had to be 50-something to really see it.

In one scene, Raymond and Rita Cappomaggi — both in their 50s, married forever, they keep a store together — are arguing about something trivial, the standard bickering so typical of middle-aged couples, when he suddenly stops, and looks at her intently.

“What is it?” she asks.

“I just saw you looking exactly like you did when I first fell in love with you,” he answers (or something like that — I’m paraphrasing). She smiles the smile of a blushing 15-year-old girl.

And we the audience see it in her, the way she looked once thirty years older, and that it is still she. It’s magical how that moment, for Raymond and Rita, makes other moments come alive, dissolves the break between present and past. Love is still there, and it is a suddenly-morphed love that preserves the foundations of knock-down, drag-out youthful infatuation, but builds it on the solid foundation of time, reality, making it work.

This is not the typical starstruck young lovers. These people are middle aged. That’s unusual in movies.

The movie of course revolves around the blistering-hot love affair between Loretta (Cher) and Ronnie (Nicholas Cage). Movie romances need beautiful people. Even so, it still has its unusual angles: Loretta is supposed to marry Ronnie’s brother Johnny, but more out of 30-something fatigue than love, until she meets the brother, Ronnie. With Ronnie she has the kind of love we’re used to in movies, the young and the beautiful, but even with that subplot the movie has something special to say about love. Ronnie tells Loretta:

“Loretta, I love you,” he pleads. “Not like they told you love is, and I didn’t know this either, but love don’t make things nice – it ruins everything. It breaks your heart. It makes things a mess.

“We aren’t here to make things perfect. The snowflakes are perfect. The stars are perfect. Not us. Not us! We are here to ruin ourselves and to break our hearts and love the wrong people and die.”

This movie, however, doesn’t settle for just that — which would be good enough — because it connects that kind of “beautiful young people in love” with the long-term love that (we hope, we assume) it creates. Near the conclusion, Raymond sits in the kitchen with his wife Rita, his sister Rose (Loretta’s mother), and his brother-in-law Cosmo, Loretta’s father, Rose’s husband. He remembers a moonlit scene 30 years earlier, when Cosmo stood outside the family home, bathed in moonlight and bathed in magic. The connection between then and now is made. Rose looks at her husband Cosmo, and as she does she sees both the bumpy and ill-shaped old fart in front of her plus the romantic suitor who was lit by moonlight many years earlier. She’s angry at him, struggling with him, struggling with life, but she pauses, looks him in the eye, and says “T’ Amo.” I love you. He’s caught off guard, focuses, and answers back: “T’ Amo.” They both mean it.

That’s true love. It’s solid, like granite, with magic sprinkled over it, like moonlight.

Moonlight on Granite

High mountain near midnight bright moonlight outside the tent

and cold, and almost barefoot, but I was out there and I stopped,

suddenly, stopped,

cold, and looked at the landscape.

Moonlight on granite.

The granite held it all steady and solid:

mountain lake and the lakeside meadow, the peak above it,

and the rockstrewn snowpatched cliffs between.

But the moonlight made it magic — crystal, sparkled, rock-flecked magic.

The rock, like solid time, relentless …

draped in a silver moonlight as equally unreal as rock is real. my people asleep in the tent in the meadow.

The slopes, the pass, the peak, everything there rested on granite.

Think about solid rock, miles deep, mountains made of it, that’s the granite.

Latin America with Cristin and Paul 2003



Flight to Miami on Sunday Aug. 3 instead of as originally planned because of the problem with the Brazilian visa. Very nice flight from SFO to Miami, nice seats in business class. We both loved the movie “Bend it Like Beckham” and Cristin also saw “Holes,” which was another excellent movie, and we had good food. Before we knew it we were in Miami, we had the rental car, we arrived at the hotel Loews in South Beach.

We had room service and went to bed.

I was very disappointed with the hotel, it wasn’t bad but it had no Internet and it was ordinary. Cristin calmed me down. Vange said I should have asked her, because we should have been in South Beach. It turned out later that we were in the heart of South Beach.

Monday morning I woke up and did the Brazillian visa errand. I failed to convince Cristin to keep me company and thank goodness, because it would have been a bad idea. I did nothing but follow the cars directions to the Brazilian consulate across town, wait in line, pay my money, and turn in our passports and forms. The Brazilian embassy was in a large office building in the middle of what seemed like an upscale residential area, near the bay.

I returned to the hotel, we walked in almost-unbearable heat to a restaurant recommended by the hotel (News Café) that served breakfast all day. As we walked to that place we discovered we were actually in the heart of South Beach, just a couple of blocks from the Ocean Avenue section that has one restaurant after another, and small but trendy hotels. We had a nice breakfast, then walked back to the hotel, for a while on the beach but it was too hot for the beach.

Cristin exercised at the health club, I fought with dial-up connections and email, and we passed the afternoon in our hotel room. I was reading Bel Canto, which is a fabulous book.

At dinnertime we went a couple blocks to the Delano Hotel, which Saby had recommended, to check out dinner, but the place was empty at six pm and looked too formal, so we didn’t. We returned to the hotel and had dinner at their restaurant, which was also too formal, and empty. Then we gave up for the night.

The next day we went to a second recommended restaurant that served breakfast all day, the Van Dyke, and as we did we discovered we were close to a second very interesting South Beach area, a shopping mall that was very full of restaurants. We had a good meal outside (heat, but shade) and we chose a restaurant there (Sushi Samba) for dinner.

In the afternoon I did the visa errand again, this time picking up the passports with visas on them, and Cristin was again smart to let me go alone. She visited the gym again.

We had dinner at Sushi Samba as planned, but once again we were too early, and therefore alone. Still, it was interesting ceviche, and small but expensive Nigiri.

We returned to the hotel, packed, and left at about 8:15 for the airport where we were to meet Paul. We had an 11:45 pm flight on United to Buenos Aires. We dropped off the rental car, waited a bit to meet up with Paul. He appeared in plenty of time with backpack as luggage, looked healthy but a bit disheveled as he so often does (memories of Paul as the Woodstock charter in Peanuts, in first grade, running to the bus in front of Mariposa with shoes not yet tied, shirt still not tucked, always looking late and not fully finished).

Paul was delighted with Business Class, which was a surprise to him. It made me feel so good to see his reaction. Cristin of course also reacted always very happily to that, but she had already had the pleasure a few times, whereas Paul took it as a very pleasant surprise.

The long all-night flight went relatively quickly, mainly sleeping, although I woke up about 4 a.m. and slept fitfully until we arrived at 9:30 Argentine time. Paul’s bag didn’t arrive, which made our arrival less pleasant, but we finally got to the Sheraton San Martin with a great location and very nice rooms on the 19th floor. We looked out over a park, then a broad dock area, and the River Plate (Rio de la Plata) beyond. It is as wide as an ocean, and in fact I had to ask, during my seminar lunch, whether it was an ocean or the river. I should have looked at the map, I found out later, because it takes 300 Kms to get from Buenos Aires to the ocean, according to the taxi driver who took us to the airport on Saturday.

It was Wednesday morning. We were tired. We walked to Puerto Madero, a nice renovated restaurant area near the hotel, for lunch. It was the wrong time, nobody was there, but we were hungry. We were also tired, we didn’t do that well, but we settled and found some sandwiches in a café. It felt like a poor imitation of Starbucks, and we had wanted a nice late breakfast.

Cristin napped a bit, Paul and I walked around, bought him a warm-up suit and me some socks, we saw a bit of the city. It was cold, and gray, the middle of winter, so Paul needed something for warmth since he didn’t have his baggage. We talked about him, his job, his decisions regarding Raina, Cristin, the family, Laura, life. We found the cemetery in ______ district in which Eva Peron was buried, and we went to her tombstone, but we failed to discern whether it was the Eva of the 1940s made famous by the Andrew Lloyd Weber work, or Evita, who I remembered was a second Eva that Peron had found in Panama, singing in a nightclub, who was with him in the 1970s when I watched the return of Peron to Argentina on the Latin American wire in UPI at 110 Avenida Morelos in Mexico City.

We returned to the hotel to pick up Cristin by 3, then after a short time in the room we struck out again, walking, to a restaurant in the Palermo district that Paul knew of from a friend at NYU. It was a long walk, Buenos Aires’ downtown seems to last forever, so at about 5:30 after going forever in Avenida Santa Fe we took a taxi to the restaurant, which, it turned out, didn’t open until 8:30. It was about 6. We were hungry, and tired.

We took a taxi to a line of restaurants across from the Cemetery and ended up in an outdoor steak house, with heating, one of several, in which a crew of young women showered Paul with flirting attention while Cristin and I watched in awe. The chemistry of Paul with these women, his age or younger, was amazing. He had to leave the table twice to smoke, which bothered me, and it bothered Cristin and Paul that it bothered me.

We returned to the hotel afterwards, walking at night through a nice part of town, and I was finished. Paul and Cristin went out to a nightclub recommended by the girls in the restaurant, leaving at about 11:30. Cristin came back in at around 2 a.m. I learned the next day that they’d had a good time, Paul had made friends with a woman named Romina.

The next day I did my seminar, which turned out to be the best of the series. It wasn’t as obvious the first day, but it was already possible. However,
I finished the day very tired because of the animo of the group and the requirements of doing a seminar in Spanish.

Paul had his luggage by then, although I was told it was an annoying process from morning through mid afternoon.

Paul called Romina from our room while we were considering the evening, but she was busy. We took at taxi to Las Canitas, another restaurant area people had recommended to Paul. He took over paying the taxis and dealing with directions, which was a nice change for me. He kept pointing out how much the plane tickets and hotels cost. That was nice. We were still early for Buenos Aires, around 7:30 or so, but we found a nice restaurant on the corner named Campo something, and had a good meal. I was very tired by 9:30 or so when we were finished, and on that night Paul and Cristin were tired too, so we all stayed in.

The next morning I did seminar again, and by midday when it was done I was exhiliarated with the response. They loved it. It was very rewarding. I had a press interview immediately after, and returned to the room, finally, at about 2 pm. I had until 5 before another press interview.

Paul suggested Argentine empanadas for lunch, that we shouldn’t not have empanadas in Buenos Aires, and the concierge recommended a restaurant within walking distance. It was a nice walk, an interesting shopping street (LaValle) blocked off from traffic, and a nice lunch, with empanadas.

I returned to the hotel, had an interview with a journalist in leather jacket and long hair, we talked about important concepts in technology and the Internet, it was fun. After the interview we took a taxi to the restaurant we’d been able to eat in on Wednesday, had a good dinner, organic food mostly. Afterwards, we took a taxi back to the hotel. I slept, Cristin and Paul went out to a club, and came back about 3 in the morning.

The next morning we took a taxi to the airport, and a plane (Varig) to Sao Paulo. The plan was on time, we had decent coach class seats, and we found ourselves in Sao Paulo. Paul stretched out across three seats that were empty, and Cristin and I shared spacious seats on an exit row.

The taxi took an hour to the hotel. Blue Tree Towers Berrines. Even on a Saturday it took a long time, and the city failed to show itself with distinguishing landmarks. Our hotel ended up in a business district, what they call the Silicon Valley of Brazil, a decent hotel but with nowhere to walk to. Within an hour or so Paul’s friend Renato was there, along with his girlfriend Carolina and a friend Luis called Tequila, a lawyer. We went in two cars to the district where Carolina lives, a nice district on a hill, where we sat in a bar for two hours drinking beer and talking. Tequila left, we went to a restaurant in Bajia style – not real good – which was empty because it was not yet 9. Carolina didn’t eat anything. I stayed up late that night to finish Bel Canto, by Ann Patchett, a novel. The book takes place in a Latin American country, and it involves terrorists and hostages.

Sunday morning we woke up late, too late for breakfast, and ended up asking at the hotel front desk where we could go to walk around, choose a restaurant, and spend a part of the day. They recommended Embus Das Artes. The taxi took more than an hour, and we ended up in a village place with an outdoor crafts market, a lot like Tepoztlan, with the taxi driver hanging around waiting for us. We looked around, had a poor meal in a crowded restaurant, and returned to the city, all three of us bummed. Cristin and I stayed in the hotel with room service, read, watched television, and remained bummed. Paul left to go with Renato and Carolina.

A note about taxis: Paul began paying all the taxis in Buenos Aires. He was appreciative about how I had given him the airfare and hotels. It was nice, for a change, to not worry about always having the change for the taxis. I appreciated that in Buenos Aires and Sao Paulo.

Monday was a seminar. I spoke in English, they spoke English and Portuguese, and the seminar went well. It was almost impossible to follow discussions in Portuguese, but I did manage to catch the context most of the time, if not the full meaning, so I was able to manage. After I returned to the room, finished at last, Paul called me with instructions to go to a Japanese restaurant in Plaza La Boim, near the university. The taxi ride took about an hour, and when we approached the plaza looking for the restaurant I saw Paul and Cristin on the street waving at me. I liked the meal, we had a good time, and we took a taxi back to the hotel without problems.

Tuesday was a half day seminar, worked out fine, and I found Paul and Cristin in the room, not having had breakfast. Paul had been walking around, and decided that since we were in a business district we had a lot of choices for lunch. We walked to a small lunch restaurant, self service, very poor food. I was depressed and worried for Paul, who had a bad cold and was himself very disappointed with his prospects in Sao Paulo. He had ended up depending a lot on Renato, who was involved with Carolina. His cold was bothering him, and his return to New York was not until Sunday. When we got back to the hotel, after lunch, he contacted Renato again and learned they had set up a soccer game, which was a consolation but he was talking about having expected a driving trip with Renato, and taking a bus instead. That worried me.

We took a taxi to Sao Paulo’s art museum, which turned out to be in one of many downtown-like districts. We spent a while looking at pictures – some name impressionists, among other pictures – but we were mostly killing time. We found a pharmacy to buy Paul some cold medicine, walked around some more including a jaunt through a park (very thick vegetation, and it worried me) and a restaurant with tables outside and television on a soccer game (Argentina vs. Columbia, PanAmerican games). Finally, as the business district started to shut down after five, we took a taxi back to the hotel. Paul went to the soccer game, after saying goodbye, and Cristin and I had dinner in the room, packed, and slept.

The next morning we woke up early and took a taxi to the airport. It was a 10:30 flight, but I had read 10:00, and the hotel people told me we should leave between 6:30 and 7:00 a.m. We arranged a car at 6:45, made it, and we were at the airport b y 7:30, three hours too early. Breakfast was hard, crowded, not very good and not sitting down and ordering, but the plane left on time and we had good seats in business class. It was a very long flight from Sao Paulo to Mexico City, landing on time at 6 p.m., which was 8:00 in Brazil.

It felt very good to be back in Mexico, a place I know, where people speak Spanish. We negotiated the airport and taxi fairly well, and got to the Marriott at about 7:30. We stowed our bags in the room and went downstairs for a meal, where we discovered Vange and Megan.

Vange and I roomed together, leaving Cristin and Megan in the other room, which was very good. These were nice rooms, the Marriott in Mexico City is a very good hotel, very well located. Vange and I had a good night. It was a relief to be back with Vange, and Megan too as well as Cristin of course. I didn’t sleep well, but for good reasons.

The seminar went well the next day, all day, and I got to the hotel room upstairs very tired, with a sore voice, but happy. Vange and Cristin and Megan arrived shortly afterwards, with Vange excited and dealing with Raul by phone about what restaurant to go to for supper. We went to Fishers, which turned out to be very noisy, some good ceviche, but the clams and oysters were salty, and I was tired, too tired to talk over the loud music. It was also unpleasant to worry about safety, taking a taxi to the restaurant in Polanco, instead of walking (the hotel was also in Polanco). The str
eets were oddly empty at night, very different from Mexico City when we lived in it years ago.

The next day’s seminar went extremely well. I finished up well and followed that with a press interview. I got to the room about 3, ordered a salad, and returned a phone call from Raul, “my Raul,” my old friend.

We met in the bar at about 5:30. Raul looked old, tired, and beaten, but putting a strong positive face on it. He will be 60 next January. He needed money. He was starting a business in Mexico City, having left Chihuahua after seven years. He has a six-year-old son, Diego Patricio. I was very glad to see him, but he talked about the collapse of Mexamerica ten years earlier, how it felt to be afraid of the criminal charges related to fraud. He was eating with a friend in a provincial city when a black helicopter came by, he was afraid at that moment that they were after him. The people in the company cheated him, and robbed him. He said he had worked hard to build the company up, but he had been taken advantage of. This seems very different from what I had seen. I was happy to see Raul and didn’t want to be negative.

Pam and Raul arrived, we went walking to supper, struggling a bit to find a suitable restaurant. We had a good dinner, including gusanitos and some additional very Mexican food. We walked back to the hotel, packed, and went to sleep.

The next morning was very early, 4:30 wake up, but we are now on the plane back to San Francisco and then Eugene. Another trip finished, more milestones, more memories. Thanks Paul and especially Cristin for making a long and tedious business trip a good trip, with good memories.

Travel Summer of 2003

June 5, 2003. Cristin and I flew together to London, starting with a 6 a.m. flight to Denver, then a couple of hours in the Denver airport, then to Chicago, then to London. Cristin is 21 now, with a gorgeous face dominated by a huge smile and brilliant eyes. She is painfully unsure of herself, being with her makes me want to alternately hug her and lecture her. She tries so hard to be adult that she comes off sometimes as more childish, and sometimes as a bit brusque, but there is always the spark of brilliant little girl in her. It seems like a magic struggling to become itself, rather than something that already is.

Friday morning arrival, taxi to the hotel, room was ready, we took a taxi towards Picadilly. Traffic got bad so we got out of the taxi early, walked for a while, and found a breakfast place – horrible breakfast. We were both very tired, and perhaps more than a little bit irritable. We walked through Soho, bought an orange juice, both of us determined to stay awake until after dinner time. We walked through the theater district, Cristin took some pictures of “look left” signs and such. We walked on, past Trafalgar Square – with a brief look at the National Gallery – then 10 Downing, Scotland Yard, and a bridge over the Thames. Pictures were controversial, Cristin objected routinely. We saw Westminster, but with difficulty, because of that all-encompassing tiredness of the first day across the Atlantic. We asked a guard outside Westminister for help finding a restaurant, so we ended up at a small quasi-Italian place that was slow, not very good, and slow. It started to rain. We took a taxi back to the hotel. We rested for a while, tried to take a walk, and finally it was late enough for dinner in the room, and then, at last, sleep. Cristin fell asleep quickly, like at 6:30, right after our room-service dinner; I read Atonement for a couple hours, then fell asleep.

Saturday started out bright and optimistic. Taking Sabrina’s advice, we took off walking for the Notting Hill Saturday market, which turned out to be Portabello Street. Cristin was delightfully happy with that because she remembered that street from a song in Bedknobs and Broomsticks. We had fun, looking at the stalls in the market. Then we went back over to Soho, purchased tickets for Chicago – the best we could get for that night – had lunch in Wagamama, walked around some more, all the way to Buckingham Palace, then retreated to the hotel. We went to dinner at La Trouvaille, which was well recommended but didn’t work for us, then walked to the theater. When we found our seats, we’d been taken, we had the highest possible, farthest away from the stage, hottest and most claustrophobic seats in the theater. Disaster! We walked out, down the incredibly long and twisting stairs out of there, but, almost out, we tried a desperation move at the box office. Could there be any no-shows, decent seats perhaps? And there were, hooray, some decent seats much closer to the stage, where there was air as well on a hot June evening. The show was very good, Cristin said better than the movie, which made me very happy to hear. We walked half the way back to the hotel, then took a taxi. It was a good day.

Sunday was a hard day, the harder side of traveling. Perhaps the jet lag hit us, or it might have been the rain. We started out alright with a taxi to the British museum, but the museum was hard (stolen treasures, Greek and Roman, we tried to follow the written tour) and except for a nice lunch it was mainly a reminder of fatigue. Then we ventured through the subway to the City, which was deserted, and it started to rain again. We tried St. Paul’s as well, but it was closed, so we gave up and went back to the hotel. For dinner we went out to Yo Sushi, which was hard to find, but at least, finally, successful. After dinner we called home, argued with home about shoes, and felt generally miserable. I was nervous about getting the train to Slough the next day, and worried about my seminars. Cristin fell asleep, and I worried for a while, then did the same.

On Monday I managed the train to Slough without problems, and gave my train-the-trainer seminar for Progress Software. It went well, I was told, but slowly, ponderously, without the excitement I liked. We had some failed attempts at cellphone connections during break, then connected at lunch, so I knew she was okay. When I got back to the hotel, Cristin was a bit down. We went to Ask, an Italian chain Saby had recommended, for dinner. Cristin and I tried to keep our spirits up, she had managed her day very well, and was generally upbeat, good to be with, but it had been hard on her to be alone, I could tell. She had taken the tour at Westminster. She said my cellphone calls had embarrassed her with the tourguide and others on the tour, because she couldn’t figure out how to turn the phone off. We both laughed at that.

Tuesday the train was much easier, no tension, and the scheduling worked. The seminar was particularly hard, participants slow to join in, somehow skeptical. It was a long day for me. Cristin, on the other hand, had a very good day visiting the Tower of London, with another tour, and St. Paul’s Cathedral. We had a nice dinner at Wagamama.

Wednesday finished up the seminar, and I got back to the hotel by 1:30. The pending trip to Stockholm made me very nervous, we had to get to the Stansted airport for a 6:30 flight on Ryan Air, a discount airline that went to an airport 60 miles from Stockholm. We had a quick lunch at Yo Sushi in Paddington, then, at my insistence, took a taxi to Stansted instead of going to the train station and taking the train. That was a disaster! The taxi took almost two hours and more than 100 pounds, and we felt late. No time to eat or stop really before finding our plane, getting to the gate, then waiting in lines with no reserved seats. It was a crowded unpleasant plane trip – we did manage opposite aisles – with nothing to eat but very dumb sandwiches. We arrived at Vasteras airport close to 10 pm, the airport was small and short on bathrooms (lines), the taxis to the city were going to cost another $200, and with some tension we took a bus into the city. The bus turned out to be fine, the drive in gave us a time to notice the open flat wooded landscape and the very late daylight (it never really got dark, just dusk) and we finally arrived, near midnight, to a very pleasant hotel. The Hotel Hilton Slussen felt good, we were glad to be there.

Thursday the seminar went well. My clients made some suggestions at breakfast that got things going right, and it turned out to be the best I’ve had in this series. I went up to the room to talk to Cristin during lunch, and she went out in the afternoon with some local people who were friends of a friend from Whitman. After the seminar was done she called, decided to come back, the friends of friends were too young for her and she was disappointed. She didn’t want to go out for dinner. I could tell she was down but I wanted her to go out with me, I hadn’t been out of the hotel, but she was really disappointed and wouldn’t go. We had room service and then I took a one-hour walk through Stockholm’s old town. Then we slept. I should say that I wish I’d done better for Cristin that evening, because I love her and I could tell the day had gone wrong for her, but my insisting that we go out for dinner didn’t work for either one of us. One evening not done well, that one. Cristin was sad, and that made me sad.

The next day finished the seminar week, an excellent final half day, and by the time I was done I was on cellphone communication with Cristin and Vange and Megan, who had arrived that morning. They were of course extremely tired, we walked through a shopping center, had some lunch, tried to get Megan some shoes that worked for her, and eventually went back to the hotel. Cristin and I went out to a restaurant at Old Town for dinner together, and Vange and Megan had room service and slept. Cristin and I had a nice dinner, in a cellar restaurant, and made each other feel good. It was Friday night, so we had been in Europe a week.

On Saturday we had a nice breakfast and then walked to the docks in front of the Grand Hotel, where we took a 2-hour boat tour of Stockholm. It was beautiful, and we had a good time. We then took a ferry over to the park island, saw the Vasta museum (a ship built in 1630, an amazing museum) where we had a nice lunch. Then we wandered through a very large outdoor park, and it got rainy and cold, we finally found a frustrating dinner on the side of the Opera building, in a small crowded table, with food not very good, but very expensive. We walked back at the end of the day, tired but happy, through Old Town Stockholm.

Sunday we took our waiter (very personable man at breakfast, named Tony) advice and took the one-hour ferry to Vaxholm, a town in the Stockholm Archipelago of 14,000 islands. The ferry itself was fun, stopping several times in different small places, and we played cards. Megan and Cristin both play cards with their friends, so we played card games I didn’t know, fun games that were familiar to both of them (rich man poor man, BS, some others). When we arrived we found ourselves in a beautiful small town. We walked around, took pictures, and had tea in a quaint teahouse. Then we had lunch at the Vaxholm hotel, a lunch that turned out to be one of the best meals of the trip, delicious shrimps in lime sauce and salmon, good salads, and even the club sandwiches were excellent. As we took the ferry back, a pretty young Swedish girl talked to us for what seemed like several minutes, but must have really been before we communicated that we weren’t understanding anything. She was wearing a very funny colorful hat, and high pants, and a bright vest. She then found somebody who spoke English, and we found out she was going to be married in a couple of weeks and wanted “words of wisdom” written in a notebook she carried. We all contributed, then enjoyed the ferry, playing cards and watching the view. Afterwards we failed to reach the city hall in time to see it – where the Nobel prize is held, and walked around some before having a nice dinner in a floating restaurant near our hotel. Here again, we had a very good meal, outside, watching the water and the view.

On Monday we packed and got ourselves to the train station for a 12-something train to Copenhagen. There was some tension getting things sorted out in the train, but that worked out very nicely. We played more cards, watched the landscape, and before we knew it we were crossing a huge bridge to Copenhagen in Denmark.

The arrival in Denmark was daunting. By following the wrong people, we got out of the train ramp into a street instead of the actual station. We had to orient ourselves to find the station, then change money – nervous over the very visible warnings about pickpockets – and then find a taxi to our hotel. The rooms turned out to be small, too close to the street, and dark. We tried to change rooms, then tried to change hotels, but to no avail. We were stuck in 71 Nyhavn hotel. We had reserved with Expedia and they were prepaid. Vie tried to help via cellphone, and Sabrina looked up the Internet description and said “are you sure you’re in the right hotel?” Finally Cristin said “how spoiled are we?” and we changed our mood and went out to eat in a restaurant along the Nyhavn waterfront, which was just a block from the hotel. We ate outside in a very crowded restaurant, Australians behind us, people sharing our table smoking, and cold; but it was a nice view, and decent food, and we made the best of it. The people who shared our table struck up a conversation, which included recommendations on what to do in Copenhagen. The rooms seemed better when we got back, and the beds were very nice.

The next morning, Tuesday, we were offered better rooms and they were bigger but smelled of smoking, so we decided to make due. We took a very nice boat tour of Copenhagen, then walked the main shopping street, failed to find a lunch place we had hoped for, and ate at the National Museum instead. The museum had interesting exhibits of old Viking warfare and daily life in Copenhagen. Then we walked to Tivoli, which we found crowded and hot and disappointing, although we had a nice dinner outside in one of the Tivoli restaurants. We watched an acrobatics show, then walked back to our hotel.

Wednesday, following the advice of our friends from Monday night’s dinner, we took a train to Hillerød, a small town about 45 minutes from the center of the city, dominated by the Fredericksborg castle. We walked through the town, had lunch, visited the castle, and took the train back. We had dinner again in one of the outside restaurants on the waterfront near our hotel.

Thursday we checked out of the hotel and took the train to Aarken, an art museum in the seashore in a suburb. We had a nice lunch there, but found little of interest in the museum, and took the train back. There was an awkward period of time between then and needing to go to the train station, we walked through Rosenborg and Marienborg castles, but Cristin and Megan were disappointed that we didn’t have time to climb the steeple of a church that looks over the city from the Christianshaven district. It was 5 pm when we arrived back at the hotel to take a taxi to the train station.

Finding the right train was daunting again, so we tried to get something to eat but didn’t really, just some dull pizza. We caught the 5:47 pm train to Hamburg to discover there was no dining car. However, within a couple hours the train went into a huge ferry, to cross the Baltic Sea to Germany, which ended up to be an exciting and adventurous 45 minutes that included a quick dinner. After that we played cards and passed the time easily until we arrived at Hamburg, and we then managed the switch to the sleeper train to Heidelberg, which left the Hamburg station at 10:42 p.m.

The sleeper train worked. Cristin and I had one compartment, Vange and Megan the other. Each compartment was big enough for two bunk beds, our luggage, and a small sink and mirror. I slept, fitfully perhaps, but I slept, as the train rocked back and forth through Germany.

We woke up to a meager breakfast of rolls and coffee, served by a porter, as the train approached Heidelberg. We were due in Heidelberg at 7:19 and, to my frustration, we dawdled with breakfast in bed clothes until the train was actually in Heidelberg. I tried to get the three of them to pack up and get ready, but they had their breakfasts and didn’t see the need. In literally two minutes after arriving in Heidelberg, the train was moving again and we were still on it.

The porter enjoyed our misfortune, grinning, as the train started moving again. I pointed out that we wanted to get off in Heidelberg, and he answered “Yes, I thought you wanted out in Heidelberg,” making no move to do anything but enjoy our predicament. Eventually we understood that we had missed our stop and we would continue to the next station, which was to be at 7:52. We were all nervously packed up and ready to jump off the train by 7:40, but the train was apparently late (the grinning porter said “construction”) and we didn’t actually get off until 8:10. We found ourselves in a small station that seemed to be outside of whatever town it was near. Fortunately I managed my German and we caught a bullet train back to Heidelberg (it turned out to be the best train we were in), so it took only 20 minutes or so to make up the ground that took an hour to travel. We got to Heidelberg at 9:16 Friday morning.

Heidelberg was the first of several very nice hotels reserved for us by Steven Hurley, of www.travelswithfriends.com. It was very well located in the old town of Heidelberg, KultursBrauerie, and we had two very nice rooms. The hotel itself is a brewery restaurant, with a very nice garden. Our rooms were noisy because they looked over the garden; but they were also very nice rooms.

We had to wait for the rooms, but we had a nice breakfast while we waited and we were happy with the rooms when they were ready. We packed up our dirty clothes, a whole car full, and took a taxi to a Laundromat.

That night we discovered the noisy rooms, but we had a dinner in the garden. The waitress was asked to explain one dish, and instead of saying simply “sausage,” which would have been sufficient.

Next day we met Isabel for a walking tour of Heidelberg. Dinner again at the same place, garden underneath the hotel, hot, shade trees, beautiful.

Sunday I picked up the rental car, a VW Passat station wagon, diesel, big enough, five speeds, and things went well. All on schedule. The highway worked, Megan sat in front. We tried to use the GPS and a map to find our way, but we failed, and we had to ask several times. We stopped in a gas station in a village, very suburban and new, for detailed directions. When we finally found the right autobahn things worked well.

She wondered while we were driving about why cars got hot, and why the ozone layer caused global warming, what caused the greenhouse effect. I wasn’t have to give her a good answer. She missed David, she said, because he could have explained it to her. She was very sweet about it; an interesting adjective, but the correct one. I could feel her love, she wasn’t disappointed with me, just wished she’d had David at that moment.

At one point traffic stopped, for a long time, maybe 20 minutes, then started for half a mile or so, then stopped for another 20 minutes. We were caught in the sun on the autobahn, not knowing what was going on. It was awkward. Finally traffic started moving again, but we never knew what had happened.

As we neared Rothenburg, we passed a terrible car accident, a reminder about realities of auto travel, and then traffic jammed up. It turned out to be construction, but it seemed bumper to bumper for miles.

When we finally got to Rothenburg, we stopped first at a parking lot outside the city walls. As we drove in, the driver of another car, containing a family, looking German, handed me a slip of paper. It was a paid parking slip, to be put on the dashboard, for another three hours. Thank you. We walked through the gates into the town, for a bit, but then realized we could take the car in, and we did. We drove through the very narrow streets of Rotherburg, having to ask for directions once, until we found Das Burg Hotel.

What a beautiful hotel. It was built into the city wall of Rotherburg, so that the rooms looked outside the wall over a valley falling down to a river far below, then rising over forested hills. At the bottom, along the river, we could see a rural road and some settlement, a few houses and a tiny village. It was hot, the birds were all over, and the valley was peaceful. Immediately below us, about 200 feet, was a walkway along the wall. People walking the outside of the wall stopped to take pictures of our hotel.

We went back into the town, a jewel of a medieval city with narrow cobblestone streets and buildings hundreds of years old. We looked for and found a well-publicized local museum dedicated to medieval crime and punishment, which ended up being in effect a museum of torture. It was unnerving. Vange and I were both uncomfortable with it.

Rothenburg is special to me because of this and previous visits. It was the third time I’ve been there. The first time, in 1967, Jim O’Connell and I took a break from youth hostels and rented a room in a nice small hotel there, as part of a hitchhiking trip down the “romantic road.” I think Dave Edmonds and Steve Tapscott were with us then too, but I’m afraid (gulp – there it is again) I don’t remember. The second time, in 1997, I was driving with Paul to Florence, after having visited Nils Bugge in his home in Denmark.

We had trouble finding a good place to eat. We ended up in a garden restaurant recommended by the hotel, having sausages, near the second church in the town. I wanted to relive good sausages with good mustard, but although the garden was nice and the service good, and the company wonderful, the food wasn’t. The mustard came in plastic envelopes.

After the meal we rested for a while in the beautiful hotel, then went out to join the Night Watchman tour (nachtwocke?) . He was a tall, thin man in a very dark medieval costume. He walked around town explaining the sites and history, punctuating his talks with humor. It was very good, very entertaining, very interesting. He explained how Rothenburg had survived because of its amazing physical location, surrounded on three sides by cliffs, and was preserved in part by centuries of poverty. He also explained interesting details such as the importance of salt, the lifts on the houses, the need to store grain in case of siege. Rothenburg survived the hundred years war by giving up when it was attacked. It was once one of the largest, most important cities in Germany.

The next morning we woke up, had a nice breakfast, and took off again in the car, this time to Fussen. We had about two hours of autobahn, speeding along talking and waiting to get somewhere, and then the autobahn ended, so we drove towards high beautiful craggy mountains, through villages, on a two-lane road. We stopped for lunch in a very small village along the road, where we found a small delicatessen that served nice sandwiches. It was very hot again, so we sat outside where we watched an amazingly small hummingbird that turned out to be a moth (we learned later).

We found Fussen, asked again twice in the village, ended up at Neuschwanstein, the most spectacular castle of Mad King Ludwig II. The castle is very much a tourist trap, feels like it, and acts like it, but it is also that beautiful. It was a hot clear blue summer day. We took the horse carriage up to the castle. We had been assigned a time, (4:55) so we had to wait, but in due time we passed into the castle for the tour of Mad Ludwig’s construction, which was never really lived in. The mountains around it are also beautiful, granite, rising straight up. After the tour inside the castle, we walked up to a bridge over a waterfall, and that was beautiful too. The mountains of Austria are granite, like the Sierra Nevada, but they rise more steeply up from the valleys. After visiting the bridge over the waterfall, we took a bus down from below the bridge, it careened very fast down the road.

It was after five when we got back to the very hot car and found our way to the Gasthof Zum Schlussen in an Austrian village nearby. Beautiful hotel, with amazing views of a flat valley surrounded by towering mountains. It was very much like a farmhouse, with lots of yard, a barn with horses, and unfortunately lots of flies. We had a nice dinner, although halfway through it we fled from the flies outside to the flies inside. We took a walk after dinner and discovered the local fire brigade practicing.

The next day we lost our way to Salzburg, ended up in a village asking again, and the tourist information person there, a woman in her forties, changed our plans in a delightful way. We had been told that crossing the mountains to Innsbruck was a five-hour ordeal, but she assured us it would take only 90 minutes, and was in fact the quickest way to Salzburg. Another person, American, who happened to be in the information booth heard us and assured us that she had just come that way, it was as the person described it. So instead of the originally planned route we crossed over the Brenner Pass to Innsbruck. I was disappointed with Innsbruck myself, it is very much built over, and although the main old town that I remembered was still there, it was very hard to park in an offputting underground tomb, and it was hard to find a place to have lunch. Vange and the girls found it a dull city-like town, surrounded by beautiful mountains, but much less interesting than where we had been.

I didn’t try to visit specific memories in Innsbruck, aside from the Weisser Kruez, under which we took a picture with me and Megan. That one block of old town (altstadt) was familiar. We drove by the university. However, unlike my visit with Paul in 1997, in this case we didn’t have time (Paul and I stayed overnight) so I didn’t really visit where I live or where I used to walk frequently. The memories were uncomfortably unrefreshed.

It bothers me a great deal that I can no longer construct things as they were, I cannot bring back details. This is terrifying. For years I satisfied myself with the idea that time was a process of constructing detailed memories, and that I would have them always. That doesn’t seem to be true, I am losing them.

We drove on to Salzburg, arriving at Freilassung where we dropped off the car, just across the border from Salzburg, from where we took a taxi to our hotel, the Blaue Ganz, which was another beautiful hotel very well located in the old town of Salzburg. We struggled with dinner that night – the hotel person recommended Herzchen or something like that, said “little heart,” but we looked for a “little hut” instead and ended up in a very formal, very expensive, very empty restaurant that we didn’t like. We walked around some more, but it was hard, and we gave up and went back to the hotel fairly early.

I was excited to be in Salzburg. Unlike the disappointment of Innsbruck, it was as beautiful as I’d promised, much the same size as Heidelberg but clearly prettier. I felt unsatisfied with my failure to touch memories, but happy with the town. I saw the bridge on which Paul and I took pictures in 1997.

The next morning, Wednesday, the guide was not able to change her time so we had until 2 pm. Megan agreed to take a walk with me and we talked through some of my Salzburg memories, crossed the bridge to the park on the other side known as a palace related to Mozart (what is it’s name?). Megan indulged me, but of course, as so often these days, we were between us quiet, and I hoped she was happy. She seems loving when she’s quiet, not disappointed, but it worries me that these times pass by without animation. I worry about what I am to my children, who I am, someone loved of course, and appreciated, but not fun, not animated. These worries are there.

We had a nice lunch in Nord, a seafood-oriented fresh food place that we liked very much. Megan had found it.

The guided tour paled by comparison to the one we had in Heidelberg. Her name was Liselotte, about the same age, but she failed to make Salzburg as fun as Heidelberg, which disappointed me. She was all facts and history but it was too dry. I wonder still if Vange and Cristin and Megan didn’t pretend to be enjoying it for me, because of my history with Salzburg, but after three hours we were all glad it had ended.

We had trouble with meals again. We ended up with a Sushi snack in the late afternoon, but we were uncomfortable with it. The baby store closed while we were eating. Time passed, it rained a bit, and we had dinner at the Hertzchen place we had not found the day before. That night we followed fireworks to the center of town, after dinner, and discovered that Salzburg was hosting an international corporate-oriented sports festival. Groups of different nationalities filled the town, mostly the bars. The Italians grouped together in their red warm-ups and sang, challenging groups of Spaniards, who ignored the challenge.

Thursday morning we slept late, had lunch I don’t remember where, had trouble filling the time. In the afternoon I ended up walking along to check my memory for the beer garden we used to go to in Salzburg, along the walk to town, and I couldn’t find it. It was not as I remembered, or it had been changed. There was a Gosser Bier brewery building like an old mansion, built around a patio, that might have been it, but I was not sure. We had dinner at the Stieglhaus, another name I remembered, under the castle a good ways up the hill, with beautiful views, but not great food.

Trouble with meals never included breakfast. We had excellent breakfasts in every place, from Stockholm to including Copenhagen, Heidelberg, Rothenburg, Fussen, Salzburg, and Munich. Always in the hotel, always well served, often fun. By the time we reached Salzburg my German was working enough to manage a lot of the logistics of breakfast, explaining the need for eggs (eier) and tee mit milch, etc.

Friday we took the train to Munich about midday. It was a two-hour train ride, we were hungry and there was poor meal service (very dry very rye sandwiches with cheese) but we played cards and enjoyed a lot of it. Both Cristin and Megan enjoyed cards, particularly Megan, who was usually the instigator.

When we arrived we discovered a very big city, lots of traffic, but a beautiful hotel. It was trying to rain again, although hot, but we managed to see the five o’clock glockenspiel at the main Rathous, and we split up as Megan and Vange looked at stores, and Cristin and I explored restaurants. We met back in the room and walked to dinner – as most of Germany and Austria, not very good – and then we were caught in the rain on the way back.

June 27. Cristin and I share the twin bed room in the last hotel, the Torbräu. She had been off with Vange and Megan, doing shower-related things, Vange nursed her sunburn, while I flipped channels unsuccessfully, started reading. After Cristin came in we both read for a while, then turned off the light. Cristin wanted to talk. She was very nervous about going to Ireland the next day, and we talked about that. I was very reassuring. She told me some things that made me very happy, that I should always remember, about me as a father, how she wanted to have my qualities. “I want to be like you,” she said. “Mom says you’re the glue that keeps us all together.” Maybe she was just saying it, but it made me feel good.

The trip back was a long taxi ride, tension in the airport as we got everything arranged – Cristin’s arrangements involved some awkward waiting, but we were early. We walked to the Hotel Kempinski to make a reservation for Cristin for a month later, and eventually we had to go to our gate and we left Cristin with hugs and kisses.

Those partings are so hard. I worry so much about them when I leave them, waving goodbye in an airport. We left Cristin in a very busy underground area in Munich full of stores and people, at a point in which we had to go to one terminal and she had to go to another. How much it hurts me to do that. She had a flight to Cork changing planes and flights in Heathrow, and we had a short flight to Frankfurt and then the long nonstop to Portland.

Frankfurt was very hard because of the security checks and built-in short time, but we made it, and Portland was annoying that they hadn’t checked our bags right in Munich, but we made that too.

I am filling in the last portion of this in August, on a plane from Sao Paulo to Mexico, so very amazed at the awesome power of time. Cristin sits next to me watching a movie, having spent the month at Cork, and flown back, and then gone to Miami, Buenos Aires, Sao Paulo, and we will soon be in Mexico City.

On Thursday June 5, as we sat together in a very hot waiting area for a flight that was late leaving Chicago for London, I reminded Cristin how quickly time goes. “Before you know it we’ll be in London, and before you know it you’ll be in Cork, and then coming back again.” It seemed so long at the time, as it always done, but now I’m done with two thirds of this trip to Latin America, and that seemed like it would never be done. How quickly it all goes by.

Quicksand Problems

Fall into quicksand, and, according to the common stories, you shouldn’t struggle. Just sit still while you sink slowly into the mud and die. Or maybe somebody will rescue you, and, if they’re trying, by not struggling you’ll give them more time to save you. If you struggle you sink faster.

Life has what I call Quicksand Problems. These are the situations that you can actually make worse, but not better. They happen. Have you ever found yourself in a bad situation — usually with family, friends, people you care about — that you can make worse, but you can’t make better. There are pieces of normal life that I call quicksand problems. Life is full of quicksand problems. There are problems you can make worse, but not better.

One night in 2001

June 23, 2001

Tonight I’m alone on a Saturday night, playing music loud on my new system, organizing titles and such. I’m alone by choice, Vange, Cristin, and Megan went off to see “Fast and Furious,” a movie I didn’t want to see.

I’ve been working a lot with the videos lately. Vange had a funny comment. She loved them, she said, but for the kids, not for her. I was puzzled. “They make me sad,” she said. “They make me regret. So many things we didn’t enjoy enough, it went by so quickly, so much we should have done that we didn’t.” I was struck by that … it’s related.

It hit me tonight when I was playing old songs and things began to hurt. The passage of time, children getting older and being adults, sand running through fingers. How can good memories hurt? I look at old photos and I love them so much, but how much it hurts that so much time has gone by and won’t come back. I don’t think I regret. But things hurt.

Log Lake

That was 34 years ago, in 1966. I was 18 years old. As I write this, 34 years later, the memory of Log Lake is immediately fresh.

We reached Log Lake in the afternoon, after a long day’s hike, down from the camp to the creek, then up the moutains on the other side, winding up a steep trail through rocks. It owned its own small valley, invisible from anywhere but the high peaks above it. There was a meadow on the west side, a few trees, good sleeping spots, and good rocks and old logs for cooking and eating. On the east side the rocks rose through boulders and snow patches, very little green, up to peaks above it. We arrived in the afternoon, cooked dinner and slep, and the next morning I woke up before anybody else, shortly after the sun hit my sleeping bag, and jumped into the lake. I had braced myself for an icy, painfully cold mountain lake, like an electric shock that takes your breath away. Instead, it’s temperature was so much better than icy that the memory was engraved, and lasts. It wasn’t warm by any means, but it was no colder than the brisk temperature you’d expect from a country club swimming pool in August.

The moment was so right I would have had to search, like an intellectual exercise, for something wrong with it. Years later, I’m guessing that the only thing I would have come up with was that my summer at Unalayee was going to end.

I was at that point about six weeks into an eight-week stint as a counselor at Camp Unalayee, a non-denominational coed summer camp located high in the Trinity Alps, on a meadow next to a Mosquito Lake. I loved the mountains, like the kids, liked the other counselors, liked the management, and generally just enjoyed the hell out of who I was, where I was, and what I was doing. When I looked ahead, it was back home with my parents and siblings in Los Altos for a couple of weeks, and then off to in love with the mountains, and spending a whole summer up in , There was nothing, but absolutely nothing, wrong with life at that moment, and everything right.

I’ve always assumed that Log Lake was that much warmer than normal because it was small, shallow, and surrounded by rocks. It must have been warming up during the days. I don’t know that, and it doesn’t make sense that it had snow patches just a few hundred yards above it; but they were small patches, probably not draining all the way down to the lake in August.

This particular memory is akin to paradise. Log Lake is a beautiful alpine lake, with the complete ingredients of the perfect Sierra Club calendar photo: the peaks above it, the granite sculptured by glaciers, the small snow patches, the meadow just below itnot a particularly well-known landmark, I’ve never seen a picture of it published anywhere, never even heard of it since. specimen of Trinity Alps alpine landscape,

I crawled out of the bag.

from the other side rise steeply out of the creek’s valley into a deep valley with Tangle Blue Creek running down its bottom. We could only see the steep drop of the Beyond the valley, the moutain rose up other side rose up I couldn’t see it at the bottom Beyond the valley, the mountains rose again up to sharp gray peaks, gray and black, brightened by the morning sun on glistening granite, and, in their shadows, sparkling white small patches of snow. To the left of the truck, a steep slope rose up in the same sparse, granite landscape, broken by trees. This was in the Trinity Alps, in Northern California, in 1966.

In the back of the truck, I held on to the staked sides as the truck reeled back and forth. Across the valley, nestled deep in the sides of the peaks across the valley was a lake I’d been to, Log Lake just a few days earlier, on an overnight I clung to the back, reeling as the truck jerked back and forth. , happy, tired, lost in my own thoughts. Across the valley, nestled amoung the peaks, was an invisible lake, I was one of maybe a dozen people holding onto the wooden staked sides of the truck”Tim, you’ve got a beard,”

A couple dozen people hung on in back, most of them clinging to the high fence-like sides of the truckIn the back of the truck, a couple dozen people hu, . The pwoplwback of the truck held

through the Late August, 1966

On the truck on the way back, it was bouncing, dirt road, a couple dozen young conselors in the back of the kind of flatbed truck, wood stake fence up the sides, that you’d expect to see carrying a load of hay, vegetables, or pigs. It jerked back and forth, reeling from one side to the other, with each rock or hole in the dirt track it followed through the Trinity Alps.

Patty, one of the older counselors — she was at least 22 —

Berry Family History

My dad was born Oct. 2, 1919, in Milford, MA. His father, Frank C. Berry, was the principal of the high school there, the coach of the baseball team, and of the American Legion baseball team, which in the 1930s was a very big deal. They played for the state championship in Fenway Park in Boston twice, one once. Dad was the second baseman on the state championship team. He was also a straight-A student, quarterback on the football team, and high scorer on the basketball team. His mother, Helen, was a Sullivan by birth. The Berrys were very well known and respected in the small town of Milford. My dad was called “Frankie” by most of the people there. Because he was son of the principal, a start on the athletic fields, everybody knew him. He had a sister named Berry, six years younger, and a brother named Paul, 12 years younger.

Betty married John Coniaris, a psychiatrist, and they had three boys, Jeff, Tom, and Skip. They were divorced, he married the daughter of Supreme Court Justice Black, and Aunt Betty went back to college, got a masters degree, and became a social worker. All three cousins fooled around a lot in their twenties but then went back to school in their thirties, several Harvard degrees, they became doctors and lawyers and such. Betty had a 30-year career as a social worker in Boston, she was a wonderful elderly lady when I last had dinner with her in the 1980s. She died in the late 1990s.

Paul married Eveline – crossing local town boundaries because he was Irish of course and she was from an Italian family – and they had two children, Joe and Barbara. I always liked my Uncle Paul, he was very easy to like, quick to have a beer with you and talk about anything. He spent a lot of years in the Navy and later had some kind of job – I don’t really know what – in a local plant of Raytheon, a high-tech manufacturer of the 1970s. He died of Lukemia in the middle 1980s. Barbara became a CPA, I don’t know what became of Joseph. Aunt Evy was at Laura’s wedding with Aunt Betty.

My mother was born June 3, 1923, in Pittsburgh, PA. Her mother, Edith, was born in England in a large family, but raised in the United States. Several of her brothers died in World War I. Her father, Fred Wurtenbaugh, was a newspaperman in Pittsburgh, fairly well known about town, and author of occasional poetry published in the newspaper as well. Edit left Fred for good in 1935 and as far as we know never spoke to him again. He made attempts to contact my mom later in life, but she never forgave him for not trying sooner and harder. Mom had 3 siblings: Fred, a year older, Richard (Dick), two years younger, and Mary, younger than Dick, I’m not sure how much younger. She was always close with Fred, called Buddy, who was our Uncle Buddy, married to Aunt Bruna, from Italy.

Mom told stories about childhood. One of my favorite was the two aunts who, as sisters when they were girls, were always fighting. Aunt Anna was terrified that while she kneeled to pray, something monstrous would be under the bed and grab her. Still, she always prayed first, checked afterwards. Her sister, name unremembered by me, hid under the bed once and reached out and grabbed her leg while she was praying. Anna suffered horribly, and was determined to get even. So she got some fluorescent paint and painted her face with it so that at night, in the dark, she would look like a horrible monster. As she crept towards her sister at night to scare her and win her revenge, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror, screamed and fainted.

Another story she told rarely was that her brother Dick shot and killed a playmate by accident when they were both nine years old. She sometimes seemed to blame that horrible even for Dick never growing up right. He eventually committed suicide in his early forties. Dick did marry a woman named Jenny Espinoza, Mexican, and they had three children, whose names were I can’t remember right now. They were divorced, she remarried and spent most of her life in Watsonville, married to the man who ran the weekly paper there, which once won a pullitzer prize. Our cousins visited once or twice in Los Altos, they were good people, but surprisingly – given the stepfather’s success in the weekly newspaper – unconcerned about education. The oldest, Richard, married a very pretty local girl who spoke only Spanish. They had met as day laborers in the mushroom farms in Watsonville.

Dick remarried, they visited once or twice but I don’t remember her name, but they were stereotypical hippies living in the Santa Cruz with flowing clothes, he had a pony tail, and they made candles. Then we learned he had committed suicide, and I don’t know much else about him.

Aunt Mary married Uncle Cal, a dentist, and had Jenny, Matt, Tom, and Patsy, in that order. Jenny was a year younger than me, Matt two years younger. I remember vaguely visiting them in Omaha, NB once when I was very young, and then when I was in something like fourth grade they moved closer to us. For several years they lived in a large old-fashioned house overlooking the second tee at the Los Altos Golf and Country club.

 

I was born January 17, 1948, in Milford, MA., at night. I was the second, Chip (Frank Dudley Berry Jr.) was born Aug. 1, 1946, which is

I know Milford from later visits, not from memory. We lived on High Street, which was up a hill from main street in a small New England town, about an hour from Boston. We were across the street from Gram, Dad’s mother, a small strong woman who lived into her nineties, was always very politically aware, and was also very religious, especially after her husband Frank C. Berry died in his late 40s of a mole-related cancer on his back.

Sometime before my memories started, we moved from Milford to Park Forest, IL. It was one of the original suburban tract settlements, commuter distance from Chicago. Dad did Ophthalmology at the Illinois Eye Ear and Nose Institute (or something like that) in downtown Chicago and commuted by train. Park Forest was written up by sociologists – Mom told me later – as an archetypical suburb in the very beginning of the generation of suburbs. It was classic 1950s. I can remember the Howdy Doody show on a black and white television at a neighbor’s house – we didn’t have one. The houses were arranged in a circle, and they all looked alike, one street leading out of the circle like the stem of a tree. I remember being outside with a tricycle. Mom said I used to push it, not ride it.

We moved to Camp Pickett, VA, where we lived on an army base in a small house at the end of the row. I had a stuffed dog named “Trick Doggy” that I used to toss in the air and spin, which was the reason for the name. Chip liked trucks, he had toy trucks. Our house was next to a field that was bordered on the far end by a forest (probably just a grove of trees, but to me it was a forest).

Dad had been in the army during WWII, but Camp Pickett was about him getting called up while he was in the reserves. This was during the Korean War. I have a memory of him and Mom very disturbed on a phone call late at night, which was connected with him being called up, because it interrupted their plans and he had already served in the other war. That may be an imposed memory, something that came from stories told later.

Somewhere in the early years Mom and a miscarriage, and an operation, which I now know was removing half of her uterus and one ovary. I have a memory of a hospital room at night, city lights in the background through the window, Mom in the bed, Dad taking care of Chip and me.

We moved to California when I was 4 or 5. We lived with Grandma and Grandad (Mom’s mother and Jack O’Neill, who was not her father but who she loved as a father, called Dad, and stayed with Granma, Mom’s mother, from the time Mom was 12 until he died) in Ojai for a few months, during which I went to kindergarten in Ojai. My memories of Ojai are good memories, mixed now with several visits later on, a wonderful small town in the mountains above Santa Barbara. Grandad was tall, born in Ireland, a tattoo on his arm, he had been a carpenter, he liked to fish (took us fishing, Chip and me, when we were a little older) and smoked fish in his own smoker in the back yard. There were Orange trees in the back yard, and paths and a garden marked by wood borders sticking out along the sides. There was a huge oak tree that towered over the house, driveway, and garage. The house had a room that Grandad opened up, pulling the windows off and leave a screen that was most of the wall, which felt refreshing and cool in the evening. Ojai memories are always summer, hot, so the cool room was special.

There was a cottage in the back, where Chip and I slept when we were older. It was a small house, at the end of the road, closest house to the mountains which looked huge and imposing and full of cougars (Grandad told stories about the cougars) and adventure. It was a small house, not expensive, didn’t look expensive.

We also lived in Marysville, in the Sierra foothills, where we had another small clapboard yellow house (as in Camp Picket) that was the last house before fields and woods.

We settled in California in Los Altos, 629 Benvenue Ave., in 1954. I went to kindergarten in Springer School in Los Altos. It was another suburban layout with a lot of kids the same age. I played with Greg Ball, who was best friend (we were all 5 and 6, mind you, but I have a lot of memories by this point. There was also a Mike Cimino, who we liked, and a Johnny Wiss, or Whiss, who we didn’t. I learned to ride a bicycle, with Dad helping of course, running it down the little slope of the driveway unto the wide-open street.

Benvenue was built out of an apricot orchard. We all had apricots in our back yards. Chip and I had to pick the rotting apricots up in the summer, 10 or 15 trees worth, what seems now like hours spent picking the gooey overripe apricots up and throwing them into a bag. They were all rotten and disgusting. I still don’t like apricots very much, I used to hate them.

Benvenue was an open playground. We went where we wanted, back and forth from friends and houses. We played on the lawns, mostly the Ciminos across the street because it was bigger; we played football from September through December, basketball from then until April, then baseball from April through September.

By this time we had a television. We watched Rin Tin Tin and Disneyland. It was small and of course black and white. The three of us, Dad, Chip and I, watched the 49ers on that black-and-white set. Y.A. Tittle was their quarterback. Norm Van Brocklin was quarterback of the Los Angeles rams.

We had a gray Packard, bought used, Mom and Dad respected the brand, but it didn’t always start and I have a memory of Mom pushing it related to a miscarriage.

But Jay was born that April, in 1954. Before that it had been just the 4 of us, Mom and Dad and Chip and me. Chip was there in a lot of my memories, a comforting figure most of the time, a friend brother, although I also remember some fights. Granma stayed with us while Mom was in the hospital. When she came back with the new baby everybody wanted to see him, over and over again. He became a bargaining chip in the group, they might lose favor and not be able to see the baby.

When I started first grade, Chip and I rode our bikes together to St. Nicholas School (now called St. Williams). Mine was a 20” schwinn bike with fenders, I remember it as always old, but it was also red.

My first teacher was Sister Clarissa, who was scary and mean. I can still remember her shouting at a girl named Patty Vance, who had big glasses and was not liked by anybody, as she spanked her and shooed her out of class, some kind of mess on her chair. Chip had had Sister Clarissa too, he was also very afraid of her, she had been mean to him too. When we came back in January that year Sister Clarissa was gone and we had Sister Judith, who was nicer. I learned that Sister Clarissa had been taken away to some kind of asylum or something like that.

I was always good at school, frustrated by waiting for other kids to catch up. One day out of the blue, while my hand was up in the air with a few others offering the answer to a question, she said: “all of you who have your hands up, keep them up. I always see the same hands. We are going to make reading groups today, and you are in the first group.” She distributed the readers to a few of us. Groups and tracks and channeling were good to me ever since.

We were allowed to go places with our bikes. We used to ride to the theater on Main Street on Saturday, where the Saturday matinee cost a quarter, we would see the Flash Gordon serial first – always exciting, always a cliffhanger, always waiting for next Saturday’s next episode, and then a movie. We loved Laurel and Hardy. Chip and I were often together, although also with the other kids.

Chip and I shared the bedroom that looked toward the street. We had fights over the window and the curtain, because Chip couldn’t stand the window open for fear something bad would look in on us. I couldn’t stand the window closed because there were two holes in the curtain that looked like tiger eyes when the lights shined through them. Chip finally ripped the tiger eyes so they became one, but unfortunately that made an alligator on the wall, and I was still scared. I wet my bed several times, at least once while I was awake but afraid to touch all the alligators on the floor.

We doted on Jay. So did the whole neighborhood. He was everybody’s mascot.

In the summer we went to Clint’s on State Street in Los Altos, for ice cream. I discovered butterscotch. Where the Foothill Expressway is now there was a railroad track that connected to Palo Alto, went through where Gunn High School is not. We would all show Jay the train, competing for his attention. Men with gray suits, hats. and briefcases would get out of the train and find their way to parked cars and home. Once we road the train to Palo Alto and back.

We were proud of Dad. He didn’t have to take a train to San Francisco, we was a doctor. His office was on El Monte, less than a mile from Benvenue, between El Camino and the stop sign where Springer ave joined El Monte (which was the stop sign where I got my first traffic ticket).

We didn’t have a lot of money. We lived in a rented house in the flats, like all of our neighbors. I think that at this time there were a lot of debts to be paid. We didn’t think about money, didn’t notice money, and never thought of it related to friends, neighbors, or schoolmates. It didn’t matter. Los Altos was not a particularly snazzy or expensive place, just a small town between San Jose and San Francisco, houses where there used to be apricot orchards, all across the town. It wasn’t too different from Ojai.

We had a dog named Rene, an airdale, that was crazy. When we let Rene out in the back yard she would run from fence to fence, stopping suddenly and changing directions, always looking like she was going to smash into the fence, but never actually crashing.

While I was in second grade we started with the new house, on Eastbrook Ave, distant from Benvenue. Eastbrook was a very small road, quite remote, that ran through a very wide open field of tall grass weeds. The house started in a mostly flat field, and as the months of construction went by we visited frequently. I enjoyed the process, I used to play with blocks made from the cut frame wood we called two-by-fours. The foundations were placed in the middle of the field, in a float part flattened further by bulldozers, above the beginning of an include that then, after our part of it, fell steeply down into a grove of thick trees by a creek. Across from the house was open field, below it was an orchard of Pomegranate trees. The orchard hill was topped by two tall redwoods, which were very climbable, and became a part of my boyhood after we moved.

I started Loyola School at the beginning of third grade. We still lived in the house on Benvenue but we were going to move, so it was Loyola School instead of St. Nicholas. I had Miss Emerson in third grade, liked the other kids, fell in love with her an a girl in class named Nancy Pershing, so much so that I actually liked the folk dancing we did in PE.

In Loyola School, where I did third through sixth grade, we were channeled from smart class to dumb class, with 3 in between (5 classes total), and we all knew which was which. I was always in the smart class. There were a few hours of awkwardness as a new kid but that ended quickly because I was good in 4-square, the playground game, which gave me a place in third-grade hierarchy very quickly.

We moved to the new house on Eastbrook avenue soon after. I missed Greg Ball, but we had overnights, and I got along fine in the new school. Martha was born that December, 1957. Miss Coolidge was the fourth grade teacher, Mrs. Elliott for fifth grade, and Mrs. Sommers for sixth.

I also rode my bike to Loyola School, sometimes with my friend Jeff Noe, who lived on Terrace, usually with Chip. We rode our bikes to Loyola Corners and Blossom Valley, there were no problems. I had a bigger bike by then, and it was black, and not so old.

Living on Eastbrook Ave. in the beginning was like living in the country. From a neighborhood full of kids we were moved to a house in front of a field, with hills and chaparral in back, and a creek down the hill, not far away. We had a sandbox in the new house, and the blocks, and I had several matchbox cars and trucks and a lot of time to myself. Chip and I kept each other company, although he headed towards chess and opera and I was more trucks, pets, and sandbox. I liked to wander the hills, and climb the redwoods, although for that I’d want to have the one neighbor almost our age, Greg Pike, or then later my cousin Matt Burlison, first cousin, son of Mom’s sister Mary and our Uncle Cal – a dentist – who moved in when I was in fifth or sixth grade. They lived across the fields, about half a mile away through the weeds, in a house on a hill overlooking the country club.

The airdale Rene died and was replaced by Lena, German Shepard, who we got as a puppy and became part of the household for a very long time. Martha grew from baby to little girl and by the time she was 5 she was inseparable with Matty, Matt Sherman who lived down the hill, and she also was allowed to wonder the area from house to house as more houses were built and we had neighbors, but always with Lena, who never left her side. Lena would follow me wherever I went until Martha was old enough to follow, and then she was always with Martha. She was a fierce-looking German Shepard whenever a stranger arrived and a house where Martha was, whether it was our house or not. playing with friends in somebody else’s house or

I had lots of pets, aside from Rene. Mom liked pets. Not long after we moved into the new house in 1957 (the earlier version of the same house on 23260 Eastbrook Avenue that Dad lives in as I write this … there was a lot of remodeling through the years) I got a pair of white rats, babies when I got them, that were installed in a relatively large cage in the family room, where our single TV was. Mom liked them a lot. She would feed them scraps and they’d come running. They had a litter of babies, after which we got rid of them. I had a long series of hamsters, white mice, and similar pets. I saved my allowance for a long time to buy a box turtle, which lived in the house for years, not in a cage, just wandering around, which was also fine with Mom. At least once it went slowly pondering through the living room when they had adult company in to play bridge. I had a skunk too, which Mom helped me get, but it was never very friendly and we got rid of it.

I read a lot about snakes and tried to hunt them. There was some foolishness to this, because we had rattlesnakes in the chaparral up above the house and in the fields, but I had read books about them and felt I knew how to avoid them. It took a lot of frustration before I finally caught snakes, but I did eventually catch a few, which became pets. Gopher snakes were scary in the beginning, catching them, because they would bite; but they became tame very quickly.

One of the first times I actually caught a snake was on a warm Saturday, sometime in late Spring or early fall I know because Saturdays weren’t relevant in the summer. I came up the hill from the creek, back home, eager to show the snake to Mom and Dad and the rest of the family. Dad was asleep on his bed when I waked him up to show him the snake. It was pointed at his face, and as he woke up, he rolled all the way off the bed in fright. He was not amused.

We shared a bedroom.

The bus route up Magdalena Ave. Glovie Reider, Penny Tie, Jane Trowbridge.

In Georgina P. Blach junior high school they did the same thing with math, English, and history, and again we all knew. In Chester F. Awalt high school,

Skiing … broken leg

Awalt High School. Mr. Gilette. Miss Elliott. Nov. 22, 1963. The World Affairs Club. Terry McKenna.

Sunset Lake, high sierra. 1994

St. Francis, High School. Meeting George, Tom, and Bill. Friendship.

Camp Unalayee, Janet Bowers. Haight Ashbury.

Notre Dame, Innsbruck, Notre Dame, Julie Castrop, Leslie Granstrom. Steve Tapscott, Pat Clinton, Al Eisenmann, Leo Lensing, Bob Wingerson.

The Innsbruck program started in early July from New York. I flew out of my own, found the hotel in New York where the Innsbruck group was to meet. I was one of a few who went there alone, most of us kids from farther away, whose families didn’t go with. Airfare was relatively expensive in those days, compared to now, so people thought a lot more before flying across the country the way we now do.

Dad’s family came to New York to meet me and see me off. That was Gram, Dad’s mother, and Uncle Paul and Aunt Eveline. There was also a bit of hanging out in bars in New York, a bunch of 19-year-old kids feeling adult. After a long day and a half, we boarded the U.S.S. United States, one of the largest ocean liners in existence,

 

Dad’s letter while I was in Innsbruck. Go to medical school.

Vange. One night at the Lower Level, February of 1969.

Spring Vacation, Vange.

Summer of 1969. The foot accident. Uncle Buddy, Holly Sugar, Jack what’s-his-name who taught me, shoveling sugar.

The visit, September 1969. The drive to South Bend. The traffic ticket that wasn’t. The house, the weed, Easy Rider, the draft lottery. Planning the marriage.

Christmas Vacation and Dec. 19, 1969.

Jan. 24, 1970. Finding an apartment. The visa problem.

Sister Rita and the job. The red Volkswagen. Sleeping in the library. Laura’s visit. German speakers annoyed with Spanish. The trip to California. House sitting, the cottage first, then the bigger house, working at Pittsburgh-Demoines steel.

The trip to Mexico and back in 1970, by car. Crossing the border with the visa.

Eugene and University of Oregon. Westmoreland, job problems, John Crawford and Dean Rea, switching to Amazon. Painting the apartment.

Job search, the news, going to Mexico. The group at the News. Jaime Plenn, Patrica Nelson. Carlos. Marty the mustached man, ex-hippy, New Yorker

The car broke down, get it fixed, on to Mexico.

UPI supplente, Pieter Van Bennekom, Denny Davis, David Navarro, Victor and Benjamin Ferretiz.

Laura marries Raul, in 1971.

Vange announces she’s pregnant, some time in December 1971. Christmas 1971, we went with the Lillies.

Jay comes for a spell.

Laura is born. Perugino. July of 1972. The new baby. Living with the new baby. Introduction to Dr. Mario Lasky. Parque Hundido, ratas que son del campo.

 

The Orbis Nostrum, May of 1973. Where are those slides? Diego Becerra. The ball in the middle of the glorieta. Sabrina is born.

UPI Journalism. The Hermosillo story. The Leonhardy story in Guadalajuara, Geraldo Rivera and the other guy who later had an NBC show interviewing. George Natansen, Tony Halek, Carl Hersch. Paul Wyatt. Norberto Swarzman. Matt Kenny, his wife Vera. Chess tournament at the foreign correspondents club. The clubhouse in the Hilton, Insurgents and Paseo de la Reforma. Taking peseros. Pick pockets in the bus.

Orbis Nostrum again in 1974. Vange and Laura the month after, I stayed with Nana and two kids. Good times.

Raul is born. We moved to Boston 34, in Colonia Napoles. One floor below Laura and Raul. Mom and Dad visited, mom proposed taking Sabrina.

I switch to Business International. Hurricane Fifi in Honduras, May of 1974, just when I was leaving, but the peak of confidence.

Colonel Sandino and the necesitamos helicopteros.

McGraw-Hill World News, freelance.

Weekends … Nana took the kids, we went to Camomihla in Tepoztlan, Las Estacas, San Jose Purua.

I finished my thesis, got my master’s degree, traveled to Oregon, degree with honors. Mom and Dad paid the debts. Acapulco for a week with two girls, Sabrina about one year old, calling me “Mama.” The stint in the ad agency.

1975. We discovered Vange’s pregnant with Paul. Rosemary’s comments about abortion. We were able to buy the Rambler stationwagen, a milestone for all of us (notwithstanding Raul’s LTDs briefly)

Sick kids, Lasky, el Hospital Infantil Privado.

The land in Cuernavaca, my $1,000 to Nana back when it was a lot of money to us.

Dias del Campo on the highway to Cuernavaca, or the Ajusco. Weekends in Ixtapan de la Sal. More camping in Tepoztlan. Saturday nights we’d go to La Pergola.

A beautiful weekend at Las Hadas, on the west coast of Mexico, guests of the Alfa Group. Flight back on the private jet. More thoughts about journalism.

1976. I’m going to night school, learning macro and micro-economics, marketing, accounting, finance. My question to the finance minister in Acapulco. The story on devaluation in March of 1976. We buy land, we failed to buy a house in Lomas del Sol, the story of Nuestro Pedazito de tierra. The peso is devalued.

Nilda Morell, Ralph Diaz, the round tables. General Facho, Orville Freeman, Bob Wilson. Working the turismo brochures, giving up smoking.

Summer of 1977. I went to New York for Business International and 3 weeks with Business Week. Vange and the kids staying in California. When we returned we lived up Desierto de los Leones, in the Ramos house. In the woods, above the city, I liked it a lot. Laura broke her leg. Charlie’s Angels on TV, the first Sabrina.

I bought the green volkwagen sedan from Patty Moreno. Luis Moreno and the inauguration of Jose Lopez Portillo.

1978. Chip Married Kathy. Dick Conlan from Business International San Francisco liked me, got me a junket for the wedding. Dallas also, and we lost Vange’s visa to an inquisitive customs agent. December of 1979 we took the green volkwagen through Oaxaca, Chiapas, Palenque, Tabasco, and Veracruz. Paul had tonsils out. The kids stayed in Cuernavaca.

1979. January I visited Mom and Dad in Los Altos, for my second nose operation opening a passage (removing polyps). One morning I was up early, doing pushups in the sunny spot on the living room rug, thinking nobody was up.

Dad walked out into the living room, in a bathrobe and pajamas, slippers, cup of coffee in his hand. He was 60 that year, a good-looking 60, pretty much bald by then already, but still at the top of his game in his profession, and on the tennis courts too.

This was the quintessential Dad in the morning. He was dressed in a dark green plaid bathrobe, pajamas of some unidentifiable color and pattern, and the brown slipper he had forever. This was his uniform for non-work mornings, what he wore to go out into the driveway and get the morning paper. He had his coffee in one hand, a plain solid yellow cup of instant powdered coffee softened with milk. And he had his newspaper, the San Francisco Chronicle, folded under his arm.

We all grew up with the Chronicle. It was a piece of our life everyday, an important ritual for both Mom and Dad, our whole family window into the rest of the world. The green sections were particularly important to Dad, and, as we grew up with them, to me and Chip and Jay; the green sections had sports and business. We all read the sports, and Dad also read business. And they were green, as I was growing up, the pages were printed on green newsprint.

On this particular morning, a very sunny January morning with me back and home for a rare visit, Dad shared some thinking and advice, along with a front-page story in the green business section.

“I’ve been thinking,” he began. “You should get an MBA degree at Stanford. You already said you wanted to get into banking but you weren’t getting anywhere for lack of the MBA degree.”

I agreed warily. I had flown to San Francisco a week earlier than required for the operation because I wanted to switch from business journalism to business. I’d been set up for an interview with Wells Fargo thanks to the Help of Hugh ____, who had become a friend because of Business International ties in Mexico City, where Wells was a client. Before Hugh ___ there had been Dennis Nathan, who left for Wells Fargo in New York, and I liked them both. I thought I could be a banker, and I

The trip to New York that followed. What’s her name the co-editor. The Hong Kong offer. Crumbacher back in Mexico City. The trip to Hong Kong.

The decision, the trip to the U.S. arriving, Escondido Village, Stanford as wonderland. The first fall, first quarter, nerves about money, followed by the dinners on the porch, crab, bicycle to Creative Strategies.

Larry Wells and Creative Strategies.

Summer of 1980. Consulting for Grupo Alfa, traveling, the houseboat vacation, the backpack vacations.

The second year. Living in the anticipation of money, working with

Pobre Mundo 1975

The month that Paul was born, cartoonist Abel Quezada published a cartoon in the Excelsior newspaper in Mexico City, noting, in drawings, the recent deaths of Pablo Picasso, Pablo Casals, and Pablo Neruda.

The caption was “Pobre mundo sin los Pablos.”

We were moved. Paul was going to be Paul regardless, although in those days we didn’t know gender until the baby was born, because of my Uncle Paul, who was a good man, and because Paul is Pablo in Spanish and it was a good name.

That cartoon, however, closed the deal.